We litigate in dimensions you didn't know existed
From consciousness recovery to cosmic counselling, Kay St Associates handles the legal matters other firms are too afraid (or too sober) to touch.
Lost your mind at a music festival? Signed contracts you don't remember? We specialise in recovering both your consciousness and your legal rights.
*Mind retrieval success rate: 37%. May retrieve someone else's mind. Original mind may have moved on spiritually and refuse to return. No refunds on returned minds that don't match original personality.
Spirit animals not respecting boundaries? Cosmic entities sliding into your DMs uninvited? We'll get restraining orders that work across dimensions.
*Restraining orders valid in 3D realm only. Not enforceable in astral plane, dream state, or alternate timelines. Ghost service fees may apply.
Relationship chakras out of sync? Partner's aura clashing with yours? Our cosmic marriage counsellors bring legal expertise to spiritual unions.
*Chakra alignment not guaranteed. May result in conscious uncoupling. Aura repairs sold separately. Crystal therapy not included in base package.
Did you accidentally agree to a 20-year DJ contract at Burning Man? We handle all festival-related legal entanglements with aggressive vibes.
*Festival memories required for case. If you can't remember it, neither can we. Playa dust not accepted as evidence. Glitter removal extra charge.
Received bad financial advice from a plant medicine ceremony? Your ayahuasca guide promise you'd be a millionaire? Time to sue the cosmic source.
*Suing deities requires special permits. Cosmic court filing fees are astronomical (literally). May result in bad karma for 3-7 lifetimes.
AI meditation app gave you an existential crisis? Smart speaker started channelling your deceased relatives? We handle technology-meets-spirituality cases.
*Not responsible if Siri actually is possessed. AI entities cannot be subpoenaed. Tech support not included. May void warranty on soul.
Someone killing your vibe? Energy vampires draining your aura at work? We'll legally compel them to check their vibes at the door.
*Vibe measurements are subjective. Energy vampire testing requires consent. Cannot legally compel good vibes. Bad vibes may persist post-litigation.
Suffered a bass drop injury? Witness someone levitate and never come down? We specialise in electronic music-related personal injury claims.
*Bass injuries must be documented. Levitation witnesses required. Injuries from excessive dancing considered assumption of risk. Glow stick burns covered.
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Don't let cosmic injustice slide. Whether you're dealing with spirit animal drama or festival contract confusion, we've got your back (and your aura).
*Free consultation excludes advice, time, consultant, conversation, and consultation. Basically it's not free.