OUR RATES

Transparent Pricing for Cosmic Justice

*Transparency may vary by dimension. All prices in Australian dollars. Cryptocurrency accepted at market rate. Good vibes accepted at our discretion.

VIBE CHECK

$0*

per consultation

  • 15-minute vibe assessment
  • Cosmic energy reading
  • Basic legal advice*
  • One (1) interpretive dance consultation
  • Spirit animal identification (optional)

*Free excludes advice, time, consultant, and consultation. Basically not free.

MOST POPULAR

COSMIC CONSULT

$499

one-time

  • 1-hour consultation
  • Case evaluation
  • Spiritual alignment check
  • Written vibe report
  • Follow-up email (one time only)
  • Free* interpretive dance session

*Dance session free. Everything else costs money.

FULL COSMIC LITIGATION

$2,999

per month

  • Unlimited consultations
  • Full legal representation
  • Multi-dimensional filing
  • Spirit animal subpoena service
  • 24/7 vibe hotline access
  • Monthly interpretive dance updates
  • Cosmic court appearances
  • Bad karma protection (3 lifetimes)

*Minimum 6-month commitment. Karma protection not guaranteed.

ADD-ON SERVICES

Mind Retrieval Service

$1,499

We'll find your lost consciousness. Accuracy not guaranteed.

Spirit Animal Mediation

$799

Negotiate with your spirit guide. Results vary by dimension.

Cosmic Court Filing

$299

File in dimensions beyond the 3D realm. Extra fees apply.

Interpretive Dance Consultation

$199

Legal advice through movement. Very effective.

PAYMENT OPTIONS

💳

Credit Cards

All major cards accepted. Interest rates may apply.

Cryptocurrency

Bitcoin, Ethereum, and good vibes accepted.

Good Vibes

Market rate determined by our vibe meter.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS

All prices subject to change without notice. Payment plans available for qualified clients. Refunds not available for services rendered in alternate dimensions. Attorney fees may exceed your lifetime earnings. By engaging our services, you agree to potential bad karma for 3-7 lifetimes. Results not guaranteed in this dimension or any other. Free consultations are free of consultation, advice, time, and consultant. We reserve the right to dance during depositions. All disputes must be resolved through interpretive dance arbitration. Terms and conditions available in the astral plane only.